Francis Berger
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A Confession of Spiritual Capitulation

5/1/2019

2 Comments

 
"How sublime! Perhaps there is hope for humanity after all! I admire all of you. You are stronger than I. You beat me.” Verge turned back to Béla. “I used to be like you – ambitious, energetic, idealistic. Head full of noble artistic ambitions. If only I were a man of stronger convictions, of firmer discipline, but I am a weak man, a man crushed by temptation, moved only by simple pleasures and little indulgences. I do not have the fortitude to resist their traps. I do not have the endurance to last the race. I chose the easy way. I accept my shortcomings and have learned to live with them, but I am always touched when I meet people of a higher caliber who are able to proceed where I failed. Of course, I meet fewer and fewer higher caliber people as my life drags on.”

​A tinge of sadness touched Anthony Vergil’s bearded face and it seemed as if part of him had drifted away to some faraway place. The trance lasted barely a moment. The sadness faded as quickly as it had appeared and he smiled, raised his snifter again, and said, “I tip my hat to both of you, gentlemen.”

-excerpted from The City of Earthly Desire
2 Comments
Bruce Charlton
5/2/2019 07:52:00

It all depends on motivation. If the AV character is sincere, then he has learned from experience and, in effect, repents. But when he says that he is touched to meet better Men, when he says that he tips his hat to them - this sounds smug and manipulative - and suggests that AV is rationalising his sins rather than repenting them.

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Francis Berger
5/2/2019 08:34:57

Bruce - Thanks for the comment. Your last point is the correct one in this case. There is no repentance - only rationalization.

The character in question knows where the correct courses of action/thinking/being lie, but sees no point in pursuing them.

Nevertheless, he still reveres people who do pursue them even though he considers it all pointless. Later in the narrative, this character refers to people who adhere to Truth, Beauty, Goodness, and Virtue as "minnows trapped in tide pools."

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