I Want Out

11/21/2023

We all have to do something to earn a living in this world. My present vocational situation is as ideal as I could hope for. I susupect it would even instill envy in some. All the same, I want out.

I'm not saying that I am in the process of getting out, but I find it difficult to ignore the strong desire to get out and do something else. Once again, I have no idea what that could be or what it might involve; it just has to be something else.

And that's where the fun starts. What else could I possibly do? What else would I be willing to do? What else would I actually like to do? Would anything else be meaningfully different from what I am doing now? Probably not. Then why bother with wanting out?

Cope. Carry on. Make the best of it. Keep your attention focused on more important matters.

For the first time, I wish I were of retirement age. Things would be a bit simpler if that were the case. But I'm not, which means I either make good on wanting out or on stifling wanting out and focusing that pent-up energy elsewhere.

Which is what I will probably do.

For now.

23 Comments

Andrew

11/21/2023 21:31:49

The theory is quite simple. Enough money to live off, either by having a lot of money or very little expenses.

If only we could all be like Bertie Wooster.

Francis Berger

11/22/2023 19:32:31

@ Andrew - I agree, but money is not the issue in my particular case.

GunnerQ link

11/21/2023 22:46:13

I'm in a comfortable enough niche, too. It won't last. There's no escape. If I find an escape, it would be only a play for time at enormous personal cost. But I'm comfortable enough, so I go through the motions of life, waiting for I know not what to happen.

Our society openly hates us ordinary, healthy men and betrays our trust at every opportunity, even for no gain. Men check out when that happens, we SHOULD check out, but that's not the same thing as being allowed to leave.

11/22/2023 19:43:07

@ Gunner - I am checked out when it comes to toeing the party line and such things. Luckily, I am not required to actively pledge allegiance to anything outright, so checked out is sort of a default status in my current position. I have a great deal of autonomy and flexibility, so I really don't have it all that bad.

All the same, I find the proximity irritating.

Anthony Probst

11/21/2023 23:47:24

From a quick online search, I see that retirement age is 65 for your cohort; so yes, you do have a ways to go.

11/22/2023 19:44:06

@ Anthony - Thanks! I do. I'll take that as a backhanded compliment. :)

bruce g charlton

11/22/2023 11:21:39

With your practical abilities, I would guess that becoming some kind of tradesman would be at least a possibility - and is a little more distanced from the sources of evil. But I guess that this would not work if motivated merely an 'escape' from the current situation; but only if you positively wanted and preferred such a life.

11/22/2023 20:05:03

@ Bruce - If I were ten years younger, I would consider such a move, but I don't think I would fare very well in the trades now.

I'm not looking for an escape, and I am not going through any sort of crisis or anything. I sleep like a baby, and my blood pressure is fine.

Barring unexpected termination or downsizing, I could stay in my current role until I retired, and I may, in fact, stay until then despite everything.

However, I wanted to be honest with myself. I don't really want to do what I am doing and be in the sorts of relationships I am currently in. Admitting this may make me aware of other possibilities that might pop up over time.

Daniel F

11/22/2023 12:07:13

I'm a similar age as you, and feel exactly the same way. And that feeling has arisen precisely at a time when it has become more difficult to step away...

As far as retirement age, one hopes that one will have time to actually do the things that are deeply meaningful, and not simply "retire".

I think about someone like Montaigne, who at 37, stepped away from all worldly activity and devoted himself to his studies and his essays. And it was a good thing he did, as he ended up dying at 59, right before what we would in modern times consider retirement age, more or less.

It also bothers me that I too have felt the wish that I were older, which feels like a sort of death wish, or at least a sort of resignation to the idea that one's best work and days are behind one. And that does not feel like a healthy place to be. I like to think it means that I am simply dissatisfied with what I am currently doing but I have not (yet) identified what it is that I should be doing.

Anyway, very honest post that resonated deeply with me. I suspect we are not the only ones!

11/22/2023 20:18:37

@ Daniel F - Thanks. Perhaps you are like me. That is, it's not the work that bothers you, but the nonsense that accompanies the work. Put another way, I enjoy working, but I don't enjoy all the "extras" that permeate the work. And these extras are now ubiquitous -- seemingly unavoidable, regardless of the work one does.

As I mentioned in a comment above, this hasn't driven me into any sort of crisis or anything, but it does aggravate me -- which I presume is exactly what it is designed to do!

JMSmith link

11/22/2023 13:57:27

I had the good fortune to start wanting out as I approach getting out. This was good for my sanity, but it doesn't say much for my powers of discernment. After I retire, you will have to question me pretty hard before I confess that I worked as a professor. But even when I did not want to get out, I saw there was no way to get out. I had no transferable skills and academia had given me habits and attitudes that would not be welcome in other spheres. I've listened to colleagues bluster about leaving academia to earn big money and prestige in other quarters, always vague about what those other quarters might be. Perhaps your prospects are better, but you should otherwise focus on adjustments to make your situation tolerable.

11/22/2023 20:27:42

@ JM - I think it's very difficult to get out of what I truly want to get out of because "it" is not limited to a particular line of work.

With this in mind, I might never get out even if I succeed in getting out now. In that respect, you are right to say that it is probably best to just focus on making my present situation more tolerable.

However, I wanted the world to know that I want out even if I don't ever succeed at getting out.

11/23/2023 10:32:16

I suppose this whole thing is potentially a 'learning experience' because - in a totalitarian, globalist world - dominated by the powers of evil - there can be no genuine way of distancing oneself in a material sense.

Therefore, we are compelled to shift emphasis away from the material and to the spiritual... Necessary, but much easier said than done!

Indeed, it can only be done intermittently and/ or partially - nonetheless, it is upon That we need to base our sense of being.

My point is that In So Many Ways, we are being taught that the answer does not, Cannot, lie in the conditions of this material world.

That is Not the Only important thing we need to learn - and by itself it is certainly insufficient - but it is One of the things we most need to learn.

11/23/2023 21:25:01

@ Bruce - "Therefore, we are compelled to shift emphasis away from the material and to the spiritual... Necessary, but much easier said than done!"

Yes, that is the crux of the matter, and that is what I'm keeping in the forefront of my thinking.

11/23/2023 16:09:27

People at or near the bottom of society have experienced this throughout history, and reacted in various ways.

I sometimes think that some version of the strategy of The Good Soldier Svejk might be the best possible path (i.e. dumb but eager literal obedience to authority - creating havoc) - but beyond a point this requires considerable courage and fortitude, and is only really suitable for the single man without family responsibilities.

Meanwhile, the main thing is to be inwardly explicitly aware of one's own sins, and to repent them to God - And then make the best of things! I am sure that God wants us to be as cheer-full as we can manage.

(Not that I am the best exemplar of this counsel - far from it.)

11/23/2023 21:34:22

@ Bruce - Like you, I believe, firmly believe, that God arranges Creation to offer us many potential spiritual experiences and benefits. What may seem like a material curse, may actually be a spiritual blessing. Of course, God's arranging is only part of the equation. What we do within the arrangement -- how we think, discern, believe, judge -- is the other part of the equation. The benefits God offers depend heavily on how we respond to these arrangements. That may drive some to despondency, but it actually makes me very cheerful. I have experienced and received many spiritual benefits from many previous tough material situations.

lea

11/24/2023 08:15:42

I've seen this debate before; 'build a community in green hills somewhere, or fight the power'. Is this duality real?
If Sorath is overpowering the world somehow it will reach everyone. Retraction is not the answer imho. Things will come to a point and touch us all.

11/24/2023 21:03:53

@ lea - Yes, well put. I am inclined to agree.

Anti-Gnostic

11/28/2023 04:45:33

Sorry, I hit Submit prematurely. I was going to finish by saying this is why I question a Christianity which focuses on detailed and time-consuming praxis and supposed scouring for a presumed pleasant afterlife of which we have zero knowledge, versus human and individual thriving in the present day.

11/28/2023 10:32:01

@ Anti-Gnostic - I'm afraid I haven't received the first part of the comment.

11/28/2023 18:15:04

Sorry. Apparently the Internet hiccuped on me last night. I'll just say that I spent three decades working very hard, obsessing over work and Christian praxis all the way. Around the 23rd year I realized I'd devoted my life to an archaic, rent-seeking sector. Many such jobs, these days.

I'm closer to retirement than you (actually I will probably always have to work until my final year, God willing) and now I am decidedly more Epicurean. I wish I'd started sooner.

I stepped back from salaried existence and the expectation of 50+ hour workweeks and negotiated a lucrative hourly rate that basically enables me to work less than full-time hours as an independent contractor.

To tie this in with our debates on this blog, obviously our mundane existence resonates in our spiritual well-being, hence my discomfort in my later years with Christianity's emphasis on detailed praxis and disdain for "fallen" Nature. I'm not sure the view of Earth as a mere crucible for Heaven is healthy or theologically sound. I frankly wish I'd spent more of my 30s and 40s focused on individual thriving, and not on working so hard and so concerned with matters of faith and praxis. Because in the end, all those institutions that exhorted us to individual piety ended up failing us and what was it all for? Thousands of dollars, thousands of hours, lots of mental and emotional energy for not really anything.

So when I hear (not necessarily from you or Bruce) that mundane existence doesn't matter because what we really want is to die and go to Heaven, it strikes my ear as nihilism, and the opposite of human and individual thriving.

11/28/2023 18:49:52

@ Anti-Gnostic - Bruce wrote a good piece on traditional high-volume religion the other day, and I agree with what he has expressed there concerning low-volume religion as a potentially valid future.

In connection with time invested in praxis that has yielded little or no fruit, I have been there, done that, and I don't do it anymore. At the same time, I don't think the experience was a "waste". I learned many valuable and vital things during that process, and these have helped me immensely, both spiritually AND temporally (even though the one is just a subset of the other).

I believe that mortal life is predominately about learning and discovering our true selves, which can only happen through contact with other beings/selves. I would say that learning from relationships (not just human relationships) is probably our primary task in life, and that it is through these relationships that we learn what we need to know to choose heaven.

I also believe Heaven is a place of creativity and thriving and mortal life provides us the opportunity to be creative and thrive.

"Mundane existence doesn't matter because what we really want is to die and go to Heaven."

Despite the positive goal, this is negative attitude toward life because it makes the focus of life being "free from". So, I agree with you there. Life should also have positive temporal goals that align with heaven and everlasting life. Put another way, life should also be for something, not just against something.

The task then is finding the right "for" in this world -- the one that also aligns with the heavenly "for".

Not easy. This is why I keep stressing the need for creativity -- I mean, creative thinking.

I haven't focused in on the work aspect at all in this comment. I'll brood on that a bit and perhaps post about it.

11/29/2023 00:04:18

I need to add that though my comment may have a bitter tone there is no bitterness there. I made fine friends and had fine experiences all along the way. Bitterness is an awful emotion but fortunately one God has enabled me to avoid.

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