Francis Berger
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Self-Sufficiency Daydreams

3/28/2019

5 Comments

 
I spent most of my adult life living and working in big cities where I indulged in a recurring daydream – self-sufficient living. The grime, smog, and overcrowding of modern cities were probable sources of this yearning, but as I reflect upon it now, I realize my desire to pack it all in, move to the countryside, and establish a self-reliant form of living had more to do with my frustration and disillusionment with the modern world and my place in it than it did with any real yearning to become a self-reliant smallholder.

I nursed the self-sufficiency daydream for the better part of twenty years. Though it flared up inconstantly and intermittently – usually when I felt particularly demotivated and disillusioned by events in my day-to-day life – it was always there in the back of my mind, simmering away like a small pot of gravy on the back burner.

The daydream involved buying a parcel of land, building an off-the-grid house, learning how to farm and tend animals, and living a life in peace and tranquility far away from the maddening world. Occasionally, I invested small chunks of time into researching all of the previously mentioned points. Yet as the years ticked by, I remained in big cities and my self-sufficiency daydream remained bubbling on the back burner.

When we moved to Hungary four years ago, we spent the first year in an apartment in downtown Sopron. With a population of approximately 90,000, Sopron is a village compared to the cities we used to live in, but my wife and I had grown tired of living in apartments and urban settings, and we began to look around for a house in the countryside.

We went to view an old house with a 1500 square meter garden in a small village thirty kilometers away from Sopron. The house came complete with a well, pigsties, a small barn, a chicken coop, a smokehouse, rabbit hutches, raspberry bushes, fruit trees, and a large, neglected vegetable garden.  Though the self-sufficiency daydream was more-or-less dormant in my head during this time, it did not take me long to realize the previous owner had succeeded in establishing, at bare minimum, a semi self-sufficient life for himself on the property. This recognition became a major buying point for me despite my overall abandonment of the self-sufficiency daydream years before.

Over the past three years, I have invested time and money into renovating the house, but I have left the pigsties, chicken coop, and all the rest of it neglected and unused. My wife plants a small vegetable garden every spring, enough for a few fresh tomatoes and peppers in July and August, but the vast majority of the yard remains uncultivated. The other day I experienced the following flash realization - I possess the thing for which I had yearned most of my adult life, yet I feel little motivation to utilize the potential the property offers.

As I thought about this, I slowly realized my self-sufficiency daydream always had more to do with my past situations than it did with any authentic desire to construct an independent, agrarian-based lifestyle. I now know that the self-sufficiency daydream roared like a hot fire whenever I was in situations that went against my person and destiny, and cooled considerably when circumstances aligned closer to my being.

It appears my being aligns well with my current circumstances and, for the most part, I must be doing what I should be doing because I never feel the yearning to create the kind of self-sufficient life I had daydreamed about in the past. That the means to do so are now firmly within my possession makes it all the more ironic.

In any case, I plan to fix the chicken coop this summer and landscape the yard to create a place for a huge vegetable patch I would like to plant next spring. I may not feel like becoming self-sufficient or semi self-sufficient now, but one never knows what the future may hold. One thing is certain – if I ever again feel the need to disentangle myself from the maddening world, I will not have to waste any more time daydreaming about it. 
5 Comments
Bruce Charlton
3/28/2019 18:49:32

I was very keen on the idea of 'self sufficiency' as a mid-teen; and turned over part of our garden to vegetables. My mentors were John Seymour and EF Schumacher. And I hoped, indeed believed, that (due to the oil running out etc) we would revert to an 18th century economy in Britain.

After I went to live in a city at medical school, these ideas became too painfully dissonant with my situation, and I drpped them - but retained a more abstract 'ecological' (we would now say 'green') idealism, that persisted for several more years.

Probably the final manifestation was an intense identification with Emerson, Thoreau and their circle.

But - much as you say - the real impulse was spiritual; and I grossly overestimated the possibility of the rural way of life to fill my spiritual yearnings.

And - as things worked out - I have mostly lived only a mile from the centre of one of the biggest cities in England - albeit it is a pleasantly leafy suburb. And my garden remains stubbornly undeveloped - a constant accusation!

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Francis Berger
3/28/2019 19:41:18

@ BC

It is good to know I am not the only one who has had these kinds of daydreams.

Thoreau and his "lives of quiet desperation" definitely provided fuel for my daydreams, but as you mention the true source of the yearning was spiritual.

I should have mentioned that most houses in the country here are essentially small farms - a legacy to the communist times when one needed some level of semi self-sufficiency to prosper.

I have noticed self-sufficient living has become a topic of television shows in the past 10-20 years. Perhaps an indication of unfulfilled spiritual yearning in society?

One last point, I believe most underestimate just how work-intensive self-sufficient living really is.

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Bruce Charlton
3/28/2019 22:26:52

"I believe most underestimate just how work-intensive self-sufficient living really is. "

Yes indeed. Actual self sufficiency is essentially impossible - or perhaps only possible with a malnutritional diet - I only ever intended to work half time (my idea was to be a family doctor) and grow a lot of vegetables and fruit; something like a market garden...

But even then I grossly underestimated the amount of work involved, overestimated my energy and stamina - and failed to take account of my above-average need for unstructured time.

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palintropos
3/29/2019 01:47:31

Part (maybe most) of the hippie movement was self-sufficiency. Communes and back to nature were huge. It was a reaction to the squares, corporate bugmen and Madison Avenue. I get catalogues from Patagonia and the order of being is to punish oneself through excruciating trials in rugged terrain. Those who survive are cleansed of the defilement of modern life. They are like very active anchorites or flagellants. You could take up rock climbing.

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Francis Berger
3/29/2019 05:39:16

@P - For me, self-sufficiency was always more about getting away from the corporate rat race world you mentioned above though I imagine some do see it as a kind of endurance test.

As for the rock climbing, I think I'll stick to hiking/jogging in the countryside.

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