You Get So Alone At Times . . .

9/4/2020

. . . that it just makes sense.

The line above is the title of a collection of poems Charles Bukowski published in 1986. It's a good line. One of those lines that somehow manages to say everything, yet reveal nothing.

This line has become my life over the past few weeks. Of course, I am not alone in any real sense of the word; I have God and my wife and my son and neighbors and friends and plenty of others. I interact joyfully with them all and am rarely lonely. Nevertheless, these relationships and their interactions are occasionally interspersed by deep pockets of aloneness.

And the dynamics of my undeniable un-aloneness in this world only begin to make sense from the depths of these solitary moments and the flashes of lightning they inspire.

5 Comments

Michelle

9/11/2020 19:58:12

I wanted to respond to this post even though it is old. I've been thinking about it often.

I've also have a feeling of being so alone even though i have my family and my friends, even though some have noticeably pulled back because of my lack of apparent care for human life by not masking myself and not letting my kids play with their kids without a mask.

I get so alone sometimes. I had held out a lot of hope in the beginning that there surely would be a societal revolt at the obvious crackdown of anything enjoyable in life. You like going to the movies? Gone. You like going to sporting events? Gone. You like going to college and enjoying the college experience? Gone. And they all seem ok with it because it's for the "common good". However, if you want to go out and terrorize people and loot and burn down cities, that's OK because that is patriotic and your moral duty.

What's worse is that I thought I shared some common decency with people by not turning in the owners of my favorite small restaurant thats not enforcing the masks. Nope. Someone reported them, as they are encouraged by the government to do, and now they are only doing curbside takeout.

I am alone in my response to the birdemic. I am alone in not falling lockstep. I am alone in reading the science and putting it into perspective. I am alone is sharing a smile with a stranger. Are they smiling back or scowling? Who knows.

I am photographed while I am shopping. I assume I am being scorned and judged on Twitter or Facebook. I wouldn't know because I have no social media accounts.

You're not alone in feeling alone.

Francis Berger

9/11/2020 20:55:56

@ Michelle - Thanks for the comment. What makes all of what is happening now particularly pernicious is that it is all framed within compassion and "love". Keeping distance, mask-wearing, and all the rest of it is presented to us as a duty - a duty that is motivated by our love for the well-being of those around us and humanity in general. Refusal to participate in the charade is a declaration of selfishness and lovelessness. On top of that, we are being told the world that will emerge from all of this will be a kinder, more loving world, but that will surely not be the case.

You have to hand it to Them. They have usurped and inverted authentic Christian love and have replaced it with a faux altruistic utilitarianism.

In the post, I mention that I feel my undeniable un-aloneness when I get to feeling alone. This un-aloneness stems from the love I experience in my relationships where I still have the opportunity to actively express love, kindness, generosity, etc. and actively feel these in return. For the time being, we may have to focus on these relationships alone and get them as right as they can be and then, hopefully, branch out from there.

I admire your defiance and partake in a great deal myself in my day-to-day life, but I sometimes have to remind myself that this whole thing has been engineered to generate fear and conflict and essentially place us all in seeming 'no win situations'. I would like to think that my not wearing a mask on the train emboldens and enlightens people, but I have noticed that my maskless face genuinely scares and upsets people. I haven't had any confrontations, but I do occasionally see fear in people's eyes. Whenever I do, I am reminded of the demonic intelligence behind all of this. And this demonic intelligence wants us to feel alone. Don't let it make you feel that because as long as you are capable of authentic love, you are never alone. Ever.

Francis Berger

9/11/2020 21:05:12

@ Michelle - One last point about the Catch-22 we are all in. Whatever we do, I think its important not to become unwitting accomplices of the demonic intelligence. This intelligence wants to generate fear and confusion in everyone and it is not above using us to help generate this fear and confusion in others. I think we have to start thinking more creatively about how to deal with this new reality and not merely rely on basic (but correct) reactions. I don't have answers yet, but I'm working on it.

Michelle

9/12/2020 12:03:28

I completely understand what you are saying regarding becoming an unwitting accomplice. Thats why when I go places (unmasked) I have the posture of humility. I smile and make eye contact a lot. I try to the extent possible to keep my chin low but my eyes high. I don't exude a "hey come provoke me" aura (although at the start of the mask requirement I did walk around with a paper bag on my head with circles for eyes cut out a few times. I ended up giving my paper bag to the employees because they became big fans).

I don't put on a mask for lots of reasons; one of my main hopes is that I just plant little seeds that it's ok. I'm do feel badly that some people are terrified that I don't have a mask on. I want to give people hope that there is another way. We are so filled with despair and hopelessness. There must be somebody I come in contact with that will draw inspiration and courage. Someone must be warmed by the smile of a stranger. I'm just planting seeds. They might be planted in a desert but I'm trying.

On a related note, I've noticed that many of my thoughts lately sound so hippie-ish. Just love one another, man. Let's all just hug it out, man. Let love rule, man.

Francis Berger

9/12/2020 14:28:40

@ Michelle - Don't misunderstand, I applaud your actions and the courage that inspires them. I hope some of the seeds you are planting eventually sprout.

As for the hippy stuff, the dictum "love is all you need" makes sense at the surface level, but love that is not grounded in the love of God is not truly love at all. That's a big part of what we're experiencing today.

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You Get So Alone At Times . . .

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